I was caught in this situation for two years, the second year was long distance. When I came home, it was apparent he absolutely did not want anything further. My heart broke many times and because I was lonely, I allowed his the pleasantness of his company to outweigh the pockets of heartbreak. I also processed a lot of my own issues around codependency as a result of being attached to him, and in some ways, he raised the bar on certain qualities I would look for in future partners. When we “broke up" (something I went through and he didn’t), I took it hard. I again did a lot of work to process a final heartbreak. I also went no contact for a period of time and unfollowed social media connections. I forgave him and moved on. At some point, I was able to talk again and re-engage as friends. Now, he is still someone who I can reach out to and engage in occassion. He is a friend that knows me deeply and I value the familiar connection. Some of my own friends (and therapist) are shocked that I turned this corner and was able to de-traumatize the experience. But I did. I feel neutrality towards him now. I am cautious not to engage too deeply and I have boundaries in place.

Why am I writing this? Because it is possible to endure perceptively unending disappointment and get to the other side. There were benefits to my experience. A couple months in, others told me to “run" and I never did. I lingered. Is that what I would recommend? No. Not at all. It’s an excruciatingly difficult road to sit in unrequited love. The pain will intensify and you may not be lucky enough to neutralize it as I did, which I only did through intensive therapy on my own stuff. Yet, ironically, in my situation I don’t regret anything. I learned and I grew the hard way. In another life I would hope to see myself choose an easier path.